Pinot noir is a is a grape they use to make red wine.  It’s French for “Ghost of Grapes,” or at least that’s what you can tell your date.  Wine made with pinot noir tastes as if it’s been watered down.  On the plus side, it has the same alcohol content as other wines.   In the ten-dollar range, that makes it a pretty safe bet.

For years, I pronounced it “peanut noy-er.”  Liquor store clerks and waiters said nothing.  It’s not their job to tell you that your zipper’s down, either.

It’s “PEE-NO / no-WAHW.”  Say it fast.  Emphasis on WAHW.  If you’re still not sure, go to YouTube and find someone wearing a tie to pronounce it for you.  Then say it 100 times.  That will make you a pinot noir connoisseur, or “CON-OH-SEWER,” as the French would say it.   If you’re in a wine bar and someone orders a peanut noyer, you can laugh and snort wine out your nose.

A character in the movie “Sideways” worshipped this wine.  But he was a fancy type who probably paid eleven or more dollars per bottle.  Just know this is a watery kind of wine that is usually easy to drink.  It may have mystical properties that will take you to higher planes of consciousness, but you might not notice them.  Unless you try.